Pay big bucks to get your face slapped

If you’re looking for a novice to slap you around in private, start your search on Craigslist. But if you’re looking for a pro, there’s always Tata Massage, a new Thai massage parlor planned in the Richmond district.

The parlor, which opens in late October, is advertising a service sure to raise a few eyebrows. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: face slapping.

According to their website, face slapping uses an ancient Thai massage technique to bring out your “hidden beauty potential without invasive procedures.”

The treatments, of which there are three to choose from, promise to make you look like a celebrity, appear younger or charm your significant other.

While face lifts and Botox can set you back thousands of dollars, Tata Massage is a real steal at $350 for a single treatment and $1,000 for a full, four-session experience. And just like any legit business, it’s cash only. What could go wrong?

Now before you Google “face slapping tata massage” and become distracted with the NSFW search results, face slapping is actually a thing in Thailand. Along with “breast slapping” to increase breast size and “buttock slapping” to give you a bouncy Beyonce booty, this facial treatment is a government-approved beauty technique.

Check out this video from Bangkok Post, which explains face slapping and features a whole lot of cleavage. The slappin’ guru in the video charges $5 million Thai baht to train you in face slapping, which comes to a whopping $162,206 USD:

And Tata Massage’s own masseuse Rassameesaitarn New Series World of course guarantees — on YouTube — that face slapping is 1 million-percent safe.