This Week In Orange: Birthday Wishes

That’s right, Giants Nation. This is a first ever This Week In Orange B-Day Edition.

Not only does this mouthy little writer turn 26 years of age this Tuesday the 11th, but it will also be the one-year anniversary — first birthday, if you will — of my college roommate Melanie and I first sporting orange-and-black tutus at AT&T Park.

And, as is normally customary on a weekend before or around my fete d’anniversaire, we are about to start up a three-game series with the flippin’ Dodgers.

But this particular Rivalry Weekend will be a little different: Not only have our matchups with the much-hated boys from LA been incredibly dramatic this season, but this series could be a major defining factor in who will end the regular season atop the NL West.

Coming out of a series that I did not like the ending to — let’s face it, our boys did not bring their A-game against the D-Backs on Wednesday — and into one that weighs more heavily on our post-season chances than any other?

Ya know, because I don’t already bite my nails down and scream at the TV when these two teams meet up.

So pull up that bar stool, order a round of chocolate cake shots, and throw on a party hat while I spin you what I expect my most favorite team on the face of the planet to do to make my b-day wishes come true.

No pressure, guys.

Starting. PITCHING: I don’t know what the heck the boys in the starting rotation have been doing to screw with their mojo, but I am not a fan of it.

So maybe Zito only going three innings in his last outing wasn’t any huge shocker. But the Cain Horse not keeping the opponents’ bats quiet?! MadBum letting the D-Backs smack him around?! And don’t even get me started on Vogie’s last couple of starts.

A 2-4 record with a 6.47 ERA in the last 11 games? This can’t POSSIBLY be the record of the Giants starters!

Starting pitching is supposed to be our bread and butter, and the bullpen can’t constantly be carrying all the weight.

Especially when Lincecum finally had a solid start and got a win under his belt last weekend in Chicago.

And while Timmy is the point of discussion:

Dear Timmy. . .: You got your day off; you’re 4-2 with a 4.34 ERA with an extra day.

It’s my birthday. Don’t suck.

Love, Chelena.

P.S. Knock Josh Beckett in the dirt for me and I’ll roll you a celebratory blunt.

Relax About The  Mig: So this will be the first time the Giants will face the Dodgers since their gazillion dollar deal that had everyone calling them “The New Yankees.” (As if those New York media whores aren’t on ESPN enough as it is.)

Adrian Gonzalez is back from the American League and in another SoCal uniform. He might be going through a dry spell — 10-41 in his last 10 games — and has had little luck hitting Timmy in the past, but he also has a history of hitting well against other pitchers at AT&T Park. He must be watched closely.

And then there’s this Beckett character. You know, the one who missed a start back in Boston and then played golf on an off-day? The only guy on our squad that’s hit against this attitude-riddled right-hander is my man the Techno Viking, Hunter Pence, who went 2-3 against him earlier this season.

Why The Series Is So Nerve-Racking: Beyond the fact that these boogers in blue have been our rivals for he past half-a-century, the Giants’ entire September schedule is all about the NL West. And while the Rockies, Diamondbacks and Padres are beyond arms-length back in the division, the Dodgers are still very much a threat.

Even at four-and-a-half games back.

Besides leading the division, the Gigantes are 28-19 against the rest of the West. And I expect that number in the win column to go up this month. End of discussion.

As always you can go to “You Know You Bleed Orange & Black When. . .” to talk about an upcoming game or just to say hello. But a fair warning, it might take me a couple days to get back to some of you this week; there are birthday shenanigans to be had.

Peace, Love & I-Hate-Dodger-Blue!