You call this a heat wave? Please

So the National Weather Service is reporting this weekend will see the highest temperatures the Bay Area has seen all “summer.”

Summer? What summer?

We don’t get summer out here west of the Golden Gate Bridge.

We get that “Indian summer” period that runs from September through Halloween. Other than that, we have to run our heaters the rest of the year because the fog is so thick.

How do you live with so little sun? You might want to ask me. Simple: I escape to my parents’ house in Danville once a month to soak up some vitamin D in my bikini whilst looking over the miniature backyard fence and making fun of golfers on the first-hole green below.

However, I’m starting to think that my trip out East for this weekend should be postponed, seeing as how Inside Bay Area reports that Livermore and the like will be seeing temperatures around 102 degrees.

South Bay cities, though, should be close to normal highs in the upper 80s. And San Francisco? High 70s, maybe.

Scorchers.

Not sure how this counts as news, especially when you consider it always gets super hot 45 minutes inland from San Francisco.

NWS meteorologist Austin Cross explained to the Merc:

“These are the first really warm days of the season, and it’s why we’re highlighting it. “

Um, Austin darling, it was 101 degrees out in Blackhawk when I went out there in June.

Perhaps it’s just me, but do we not see these reports of “the hottest days on record” every single June-through-August? Sure, issuing a warning every time the temps spike is a great way to drum up Spare The Air days — yes, of course Friday is one — and encourage the use of energy-saving appliances. But does it warrant such news coverage?

Who knows, maybe I’m just a cynic who’s been stuck behind this fog wall for too long.

A fog wall which — for the record — will probably be extra thick since the temperature is spiking inland.