This Week In Orange: Freakin’ Philly edition

We’re halfway through this road trip Giants nation!!

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I was straight up biting my nails down to the quick for those three days our boys in uniform were down in the Dirty South.

Despite rain delays, nearly-blown saves and nasty comments made towards the Melk Man — who still went 2-for-3 in Thursday’s game — the G-Men snagged two wins and are still two-and-a-half games up in the NL West.

And now, we move on to Philadelphia, quite possibly my least favorite city for the Giants to travel to.

I already know what you’re all going to say: The Phillies (41-52) are crap this year.

Don’t get cocky, Giants fans. Just because the Phils were lousy enough to lose to the Los Angeles Dodgers doesn’t mean that the Orange & Black have it easy.

So it’s that time again: Pull up that bar stool, pour yourself a hefeweizen, and let’s kibitz about how badly we need to beat f&$#^n Philly:

Angel in the outfield, and at bat: Outfielder Angel Pagan might have gone 0-for-4 in Thursday’s fete against Tim Hudson, but we expect him to fare much better at the plate in Philadelphia, particularly against Sunday starter Joe Blanton. Pagan commands 8-for-15 ownage lifetime against Blanton, who’s currently 8-8 with a 4.79 ERA.

And if Pagan wants to drop in another one of those awesome diving catches out in center field, that would be great too.

Gettin’ stressed by the west: Again, we can’t have our Giants getting too comfortable with the Phillies lackluster season. That said, Philadelphia is 13-13 against the NL West this season.

With only two members of their starting lineup — Freddy Galvis and Ty Wigginton — having hits off of our Sunday starter, Mr. Perfect himself, Matt Cain, solid pitching on our end can keep the Phillies’ bats cool.

Oh, and while we’re on the subject of Sunday’s game…

F!&$# Cole Hamels: Any guy who goes out of his way to throw a fastball into Washington Nationals rookie Bryce Harper’s back and then gloats about it in his post-game interview is a jerk-face. Period.

So Sunday would be an ideal day for Cain to dominate the bump and for our offense to light Hamels up like a Christmas tree.

The 28-year-old lefthander is 11-4 with a 3.07 ERA and has yet to face the Giants this season.

Needless to say, I hope we cream him. Or that he’s too distracted with signing a new contract before the season ends to focus properly. Whichever comes first.

TimmyTimmyTimmyTimmy: Yes, my favorite pitcher takes the mound Friday after a fabulously-pitched outing against the Houston Astros last weekend. Of course, Lincecum did not get the win, ahem Santiago Casilla.

Here’s hoping Lincecum can repeat his last performance and live up to his career record against Philadelphia. He’s 4-2 with a 3.04 ERA against the Phillies in regular season play.

And for the love of Pete, if those nutcase Phillies fans start whistling at him like they did in the 2010 post season, I’m going to lunge through my television set.

Just three more games in the East Coast heat before the Gigantes head home to that crisp July fog. How nice would it be if they came home with a winning record on this road trip?

Peace, Love, and — one more time — F!&$# Philly.