This Week In Orange: The ‘shut your trap’ edition

A Happy Friday to all of you out there in Orange & Black Land.

As you might have already guessed, I’m a bit deflated compared to last week. Our boys in uniform got their buns handed to them by All-Star Ryan Zimmerman, homer-hitting Danny Espinoza, and some little tyke named Bryce who can’t even legally order me a drink at the bar.

Plus, there has been some smack talk about some of our guys that made the All-Star team. So, as you can imagine, I’m a little steamed. (And I only use the word ‘steamed’ because I don’t think SFBay will publish the word I really want to use.)

So, sports fans, I present to you: The “Shut-Your-Trap” Column, in which I proceed to verbally — er, as verbal as online text can get — rip a variety of people that ruffled my feathers this week.

Feeling equally irritated? Then swing on by, grab a post-Fourth of July PBR out of the fridge, and let’s get to venting:

Hey ESPN, Shut Your Trap: I will personally fly out to Bristol myself and smack all of you upside the head if I have to hear one more commentator complain about the members of my squad starting the All-Star Game next week.

I know that all of you there at ESPN have to sell your souls to the New-York/New-England sports franchises. That doesn’t mean the rest of the sports fans in this country–who actually voted— have done the same.

Fans are going to vote for their own; sometimes, regardless of those players qualifications. That’s the sacrifice that you make when you let the masses enter 25 votes per email address.

And for F@$# sake, stop bashing on Buster Posey. The kid couldn’t even walk on his own at this time last year. He deserves to be there; stop acting like no other catcher in Major League Baseball is participating in the All-Star Game.

And while we’re mentioning New York. . .

Hey New York sports fans, Shut Your Traps: Yes, David Wright is a better third baseman than Pablo. I love me some Panda, but I’ve also always loved me some David Wright, and he’s just a better player.

So then you fools in NY should’ve done a better job voting for him to start in the All-Star Game.

It’s not our fault on the Left Coast that you’re all complacent and assumed that the rest of the country was going to vote the way you wanted us to.

Quit crying already.

Hey Whoever Keeps Telling Bochy it’s OK To Keep Casilla Closing, SHUT YOUR TRAP: You all saw the article I wrote on Santiago Casilla earlier this week, yeah?

Evidently, Big Boch didn’t. And the curse that is Casilla helped a very hot Nationals team sweep us.

No, Matt Cain giving up back-to-back homers in the seventh wasn’t good. But that’s why he wasn’t on the bump to close. Just sayin’.

Looking to the weekend: We’re going to need Barry Zito to pull out all the stops tonight in Pittsburgh against a Pirates team (46-36) who have won their last four games. They’re also 10-2 at home against south paw pitchers, and that Andrew McCutchen fellow–you know, the All-Star-bound guy– is hitting .446.

Keep your fingers crossed and your lucky rabbit’s feet nearby tonight, sports fans. Our Gigantes need to rack up some wins, and get out from this 1.5 game back slot behind the frickin’ Dodgers.  We’ll reconvene after the All-Star break.

Peace, Love and Happy Mid-Summer Classic.